Me: Real Stand Up Comedian!

[13thgatorz]

Yo.. sup..

I'll bring some good laugh to you..

Did you hear about the two explorers, Bob and John who were going through the jungle when a ferocious lion jumped out in front of them?
Bob whispered to John to keep calm. Bob asked John if he remembered what they had read in the book on wild animals. “If you stand absolutely still and look the lion straight in the eye, he will turn tails and run away,” said Bob. John said, “Fine. You’ve read the book, I’ve read the book, but has the lion read the book?”


I'll be bak... :cool:

[nerdylullaby]

That's a joke... ... wow.. that's funny... Yea, right...!

[kwachii]

lol

need some more :D

[Fardreamer]

Yo.. sup..

I'll bring some good laugh to you..

Did you hear about the two explorers, Bob and John who were going through the jungle when a ferocious lion jumped out in front of them?
Bob whispered to John to keep calm. Bob asked John if he remembered what they had read in the book on wild animals. “If you stand absolutely still and look the lion straight in the eye, he will turn tails and run away,” said Bob. John said, “Fine. You’ve read the book, I’ve read the book, but has the lion read the book?”


I'll be bak... :cool:


Oh, this was, at the very least, worth a good chuckle. Thanks for sharing. Got any more?

[apple_pie]

A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."

The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."

"Yeah, I just found out my oldest son is gay."

The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I just found out that my youngest son is gay, too!"

On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"

The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"

How about that.. :D:p:D

[kwachii]

Thank you for posting.
Any other ?

[Spudgee]

Ohh...okay. Not to burst your bubble...but it's not exactly hilarious. It's not corny either. It's just an okay joke. :p Sorry.

[apple_pie]

Ohh...okay. Not to burst your bubble...but it's not exactly hilarious. It's not corny either. It's just an okay joke. :p Sorry.

:mad::mad::mad:

[Protoss]

:mad::mad::mad:
Bwah hwah hwah...
Now that is what i call red_apple :)
There's a distinction between "good", "natural", and "evil" jokes.
gatorz' joke involves little thinking, while apple's involves understanding about $3X

That's all i can say for now

B)

[apple_pie]

hell yea.. okay ..
okay..

okay!!!

[Protoss]

Hey.. It's a joke... don't take everything personally

[apple_pie]

Okay i won't! .. hmm .. :cool: i'm cool .. i'm fine .. i don't see you shoot any joke, though, Pro!

[Protoss]

Now now.. this thread has been so long unreplied i forgot what was that all about...

^~^

[apple_pie]

it was started by an alligator posting a joke ..
we make comments .. and you ridiculed my joke ..
why don't you post a joke .. and .. i promise i won't do any revenge

[Protoss]

" KAN PEI "
Once there was a Chinese wedding dinner. The dinner occupied only half the
restaurant. The other half was occupied by some American tourists.

As the wedding Chinese couples hop from table to table to toast the
guests, the cheers of " KAN PEI .. " (happy & joyous drinking) gets louder
and louder.

One American gets more and more irritated as the couple get closer to him.
" KAN PEI ...!" " KAN .... PEI "....!!!" The cheers continued.

Finally, the irritated American couldn't take it anymore. He stood up on
his chair and shouted.

"IF YOU CAN'T PAY, THEN LET ME PAY FOR YOU...!"

<This one is a mild joke.. i knew more heavy jokes to make your stomach ache..:p but they're in Indonesian>

[apple_pie]

heheh .. i get the point .. good one

[apple_pie]

GM vs Bill Gates

For all of us who feel only the deepest love and affection for the way computers have enhanced our lives, read on.

At a computer expo, Bill Gates reportedly compared the computer industry with the auto industry and stated "If GM had kept up with technology like the computer industry has, we would all be driving $25.00 cars that got 1,000 miles to the gallon.

In response to Bill's comments, General Motors issued a press release stating:

If GM had developed technology like Microsoft, we would all be driving cars with the following characteristics:

1. For no reason whatsoever, your car would crash twice a day.

2. Every time they repainted the lines in the road, you would have to buy a new car.

3. Occasionally your car would die on the freeway for no reason. You would have to pull over to the side of the road, close all of the windows, shut off the car, restart it, and reopen the windows before you could continue. For some reason you would simply accept this.

4. Occasionally, executing a maneuver such as a left turn would cause your car to shut down and refuse to restart, in which case you would have to reinstall the engine.

5. Macintosh would make a car that was powered by the sun, was reliable, five times as fast and twice as easy to drive - but would run on only five percent of the roads.

6. The oil, water temperature, and alternator warning lights would all be replaced by a single "General Protection Fault" warning light.

7. The airbag system would ask "Are you sure?" before deploying.

8. Occasionally, for no reason whatsoever, your car would lock you out and refuse to let you in until you simultaneously lifted the door handle, turned the key, and grabbed hold of the radio antenna.

9. Every time GM introduced a new car, car buyers would have to learn to drive all over again because none of the controls would operate in the same manner as the old car.

10. You'd have to press the "Start" button to turn the engine off.

[13thgatorz]

do we need to read all that : ))

haha .. funny think is that .. i never have any problem when i really need to use the computer for serious reason. always kicked me out when i am jush trying to have some fun.

[Protoss]

do we need to read all that : ))

haha .. funny think is that .. i never have any problem when i really need to use the computer for serious reason. always kicked me out when i am jush trying to have some fun.
Then, it must be your PC personality...

~.~

[apple_pie]

Seriously .. what gatzie saying makes sense.
I often found myself in that situation.
Sick of technology sometimes!

[apple_pie]

Have you ever wondered if your mind is normal or different??
Well, do this little mind exercise and find out at the end!!
Free will or synaptic wiring? You be the judge.
Check out the following exercise, guaranteed to raise an eyebrow.
There's no trick or surprise.
Just follow these instructions, and answer the questions one at a time and as quickly as you can.
Again, as quickly as you can but don't advance until you've done each of them...really.
Now, scroll down (but not too fast,you might miss something)........





What is:


















1 plus 5


























2 plus 4




























3 plus 3




















4 plus 2


























5 plus 1
























Now repeat saying the number 6 to yourself as fast as you can for 15 seconds.

Then scroll down.


























QUICK!!! THINK OF A VEGETABLE!

Then arrow down.








http://www.jokes.org.au/images/small-arrow-power-of-your-mind.jpg











Keep going.































http://www.jokes.org.au/images/is-your-mind-normal-number-6-think-of-a-carrot.jpg


You're thinking of carrot, right?

If not, you're among the 2% of the population whose minds are different enough to think of something else.

98% of people will answer with carrot when given this exercise.

Freaky, huh?

[apple_pie]

Weird enough. I always thought that i'm not much of a common. :P
It was carrot in my mind. :o

[apple_pie]

1. Before you criticize someone, you should walk a mile in their shoes. That way, when you criticize them, you're a mile away and you have their shoes.


2. Give a man a fish and he will eat for a day. Teach him how to fish and he will sit in a boat and drink beer all day.


3. If you lend someone $20 and never see that person again, it was probably worth it.


4. If at first you don't succeed, skydiving is not for you.


5. Do not walk behind me, for I may not lead. Do not walk ahead of me, for I may not follow. Do not walk beside me, either; just leave me the heck alone.


6. It's always darkest before dawn. So if you're going to steal your neighbor's
newspaper that's the time to do it.


7. Don't be irreplaceable; if you can't be replaced, you can't be promoted.


8. Give a man the fire and you'll keep him warm for one day. Set the man on fire -- and you'll keep him warm for the rest of his life.


9. No one is listening until you make a mistake.


10. Always remember you're unique, just like everyone else.


11. It may be that your sole purpose in life is simply to serve as a warning to others.


12. It is far more impressive when others discover your good qualities without your help. If you tell the truth, you don't have to remember anything.


13. Some days you are the bug, some days you are the windshield.


14. Good judgement comes from bad experience, and a lot of that comes from bad judgement.


15. There are two theories to arguing with women. Neither one works.


16. Generally speaking, you aren't learning much when your mouth is moving.


17. Never miss a good chance to shut up.


18. Experience is something you don't get until just after you need it.

[apple_pie]

Sherlock Holmes and Dr Watson went on a camping trip. After a good meal and a bottle of wine they lay down for the night, and went to sleep. Some hours later, Holmes awoke and nudged his faithful friend awake.

"Watson, look up at the sky and tell me what you see."

Watson replied, "I see millions and millions of stars."

"What does that tell you?" Holmes questioned.

Watson pondered for a minute.

"Astronomically, it tells me that there are millions of galaxies and potentially billions of planets. Astrologically, I observe that Saturn is in Leo. Horologically, I deduce that the time is approximately a quarter past three. Theologically, I can see that God is all powerful and that we are small and insignificant. Meteorologically, I suspect that we will have a beautiful day tomorrow. What does it tell you?"

Holmes was silent for a minute, then spoke. "Watson, you idiot. Someone has stolen our tent."